I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
