If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm getting married
To pizza
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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