He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
