Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
