I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
