One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
