and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
