I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
