i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
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Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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