I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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