is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
