I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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