Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
