So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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