Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
