i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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