I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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