hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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