Define "chronic" masturbator.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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