I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
