Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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