I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
