i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
