cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
