I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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