dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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