I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
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his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
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This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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