So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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