Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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