Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
