just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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