hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
