Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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