Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
