you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
