Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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