there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
