somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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