is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
3 2 1 whiskey
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
