I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
