The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
a search helicopter?!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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