She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
