Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
