There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
