when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
