I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
