sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
