I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
