I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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