i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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