The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
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