btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
