im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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