it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
