Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
