this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
