found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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