I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
