I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
