I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
