i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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