May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
