I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
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How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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