explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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