I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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