You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
