i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
BRING THE BAGELS
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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