that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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